Saying "no" with grace and honesty can be challenging. Sometimes our fear of ending a conversation awkwardly or letting a friend or relative down can nudge us into saying "yes" to things that are difficult for us. When managing chronic pain, saying "no" can feel more complicated. Will they ever ask again? Will the invites stop coming? Have I said "no" too often?

An alternative way to say "no" is to create a third option, another choice. For instance, you are invited to a barbecue, but you don’t have the energy to socialize in a group setting. You could say, “I won’t make it to the barbecue, but maybe we can get coffee next week?”

Bad days or symptoms arising out of the blue are beyond your control. Asking for a raincheck or suggesting a future get-together instead shows it's important to you but lets you focus on self-care.

Here are some conversations from the community about this topic:

• “I feel that sometimes it is necessary to give yourself permission to power-down for a predetermined amount of time.”
• “Self-care is so important for good health.”
• “Instead of heading over to help tend to him, my daughter gave me the option to take a couple of the older kids for a sleepover.”

Have you found alternative ways of saying "no," without saying "no?"
Share in the comments below.