Hi @A MyChronicPainTeam Member. No pressure at all. You're sharing as you go along. I'm proud of you. I'm sorry for all that you went through with the wives and all. Thanx for sharing that with us. Whatever makes you comfortable, friend. However we can help, we'll be there for you. You're a good guy. Thinking of you. Hope you have a good day 😊

Mentioned Users

A MyChron...

@A MyChronicPainTeam Member WOW! I’m not going to add just yet, but please understand I’m going to take time to read and reread your writings. But want to acknowledge I am at a stage where I want to move forward. A friend gave me a book last year called The Celestine Phrophecy. It was a most enlightening read.

Mentioned Users

A MyChron...

@A MyChronicPainTeam Member - I whole heartedly agree. Before I write any more, I'm going to take your advice, let go of the pressure and breathe, long, deep breaths....DONE. Here goes....

I knew my mom has always understood me. My grandpa, her dad, the same. No one, and I mean no one, no matter how much I pour into peoples lives, including my wife, have not and continue to not understand me. I'm sure there is a syndrome or psychosis for what I have. I know that I am different. I'm not talking about special, I mean, different. I put others ahead of myself. I give until I can't give anymore, and yet, I still give. Why? My core belief is that giving, and that is to include forgiving, is the secret. The secret to peace, the secret to what lays beyond, the key to all of it. To give. Jesus, Joseph Smith, Muhammed, Gandhi, Buddah, Ishnu, Gaia, Aztecs, and Mayans (Rush fans out there at all?) -- the universal commonality is to give. Either we were created (see last sentence) or we evolved, or both. The why doesn't matter. It's the pattern that matters. Who do we trust? Those who give. Who heals us? Those who give. Who do we believe--the givers. When's the last time you thought to yourself, "I really like that politician, they are a giver!" The farmers, Give. The caretakers, doctors, nurses, radiology techs, receptionists, hosts/hostesses (side note, are they going to come up with a gender-neutral form of this title?... but I digress). You get the point. It's about giving. All of this is giving. It's about getting to a point in our hearts where we truly believe we exist for others, giving becomes natural, it heals wounds, it inspires mountains to be moved, it is the communication in which we all speak the same language. Giving is not something you can fake. It's impossible. You can cheat, escape, or run from "giving" with perverse intentions. Who was it, Jesus who said that even hate is murder -- and basically we are all murders, so he's there to fix/heal (give) that and a few other things :)

(stepping down from my soapbox)

Mentioned Users

A MyChron...

Hello again, I just thought I would just in with you and remind you what an eloquent soul you are! I hope you find some of that strength to help others to help yourself. I truly appreciate this problem as I find I have the same problem. Being a nurse does not help, as I find pride and that internal fire when I see someone do better.
Maybe one of my nursing mantras will help you, "I am not here to do the work for you; I am here to help you do the work." I don't know who I've said it to more, my patients or myself, lol. But eventually, it sunk in, and I could let it go in a tiny area of my life. Or may it was reminding myself that doing it for someone doesn't really help them, that in one sense or another, it just feeds my ego. That was a really hard concept for me to understand and then get over, as it was just me trying to help with no ego involved.
It's all about perspectives, right? You deserve support, caring, and times when you are put first, too!
Christine

Erin. Thank you. Last night i tried binaural beats.

Really helped with my anxiety and helped me connect right to the core. You came to mind as I did. I just wanted to say I feel your connection and appreciate you. I’ve had a hard week but my loved ones have had it harder. I’m thankful I can share here, with beautiful people such as yourself.